He's Coming Home

Can it possibly be true? Am I dreaming? If so, please do not wake me up! I am so excited. I can barely contain my little girl screeches when I think about it. I will have my husband back, our kids will have their daddy finally! It is crazy to think that we will be a whole family. World watch out, TEAM HALPHEN is about to reunite!!

March 7, 2006~Oh my babies, my wonderful babies!!!

Well, my babies are no longer babies. Emele is pulling herself up on everything, and can go anywhere in the house that she wants to. She can even go up and down the step. Cameron is the most wonderful big brother ever. He is growing up way to quick. I have finally got to the point that I don't want to wash all the little hand prints off of my slider, I am scared I will never see them again. He is incredibly funny as well. His memory is way to good for a 2 year old. I mentioned going to my moms on Monday, said something like we might go down on Friday, on Friday morning Cameron comes to his dad and says, I'm going to see Papa and Grandma today after work. He knew that it was Friday, and remembered what I had said 4 days prior. he doesn't miss a thing unless you are telling him no to sweets. He will willingly pick up his room, put his clothes in the hamper, brush his teeth 6 times a day, he is just to funny. Well that is all for now. My children bragging rights are at a stand still for the night. Take care Y'all!!

August 23, 2006~Saying good byes?

So no mater what you are going to come to a point in your life where you have to let go of someone, something, or just say good-bye... It seems that this just happens so often in my life. And shouldn't you be able to say good-bye before you have to let go? It is really sad to say, but whenever I see a number from a friend back home come across my caller ID I get this gut wrenching feeling deep in my stomach. I know that something horrible has happened. So for all the old crew to get back together, someone has to die? Why is that? I wish I could just keep all of my friends safe, take all the drugs, alcohol, and pain away from them, but then where would they be, where would I be? In the case of Brian I would like to think that he is in a better world then the one he was living in, but who am I to say? I just hope that he is happier where he is now! He will be missed, as long as everyone else we have lost. If you are reading this, please take a minute right now to remember all those you have lost and their impact on your life, no think of the last time you called that old friend from back home or visited them, is it about time? With all my love and deepest prayers: RIP Brian!!

November 18, 2006~Wake me when it is over!

I love you Joe!
Okay, so it has been a little over a week since the news came and I still do not know quite how to react. I have to say that it really came as a surprise, and maybe it will hit home a little more when I go to the memorial. He was more like a brother to me than an uncle. He lived with my family and I for so many years, and was always around when I was growing up. I know that I will miss him, but it has been so long since I have seen him. Over the past few years I feel like we had grown apart. There were a lot of choices he had made that I could just not come to terms with. I was angry with him for his choices and selfishness. I really wanted to see him grow up and be a father. I wanted to tell him that he was pushing so many people away who cared so much... I will regret that I was never able to do this. I will also love the memories of who he used to be. I hope that everyone can look past the faults and love the man that he truly was. He will be very missed. I want everyone who knew him to know that he is in a better place where he can not feel pain any more. I know that he would want us all to smile and be happy for all the good memories we have of him. I love you Uncle Joe, I always will, and you will always be a part of me!

February 5, 2007~Moving...

So it really became official today. I thought the For Sale sign in the front yard would make me realize that we were actually moving. Nope. That affected me a little... Then 30 mins later we get our first phone call to show the house. What do I do? FREAK OUT!!! Oh my gosh. There are people coming and going all the time, I am constantly cleaning, and working on this damn house. So it didn't really have time to sink in I guess. Then we plan our pack out. I start freaking out a little bit more, as it nears I freak out even more. Then today, the movers get here and within hours my whole house is in boxes. They just packed my whole life up in these plain old brown boxes and tomorrow they will load them into a big 'ol truck and haul it all away.Where does this leave my family? Well Joey will be staying with a friend of ours until mid-March, while I am at my moms with the kids. Then in March Joey will follow the kids and I up to Northport. From there he will head to Virginia for a 6 month school, and I will reside at my dads with the kids.I am not sure if I am just extremely overwhelmed with all the moving and selling and change, upset about being away from joey for 6 months, lost without my own house, worried how the kids will react to all of the above... I just have so many emotions right now!

July 27, 2008~She is 3

Our baby girl is officially three years old now. I really wish her daddy could be here for this. He missed it last year, this year and possibly next year. She has grown so much. She is quite the young lady, and the girliest of girly girls I have ever known. Not sure where that comes from, but I love it. She is a princess in our eyes, and loved greatly. I am so thankful for her and what she brings to me every day. Just how happy and free spirited she is. I learn so much from her, and I am supposed to be her leader and inspiration. To think that I once never wanted a daughter, and now the thought of not having her is the scariest thing ever. I love you Emele ZayLynn! Happy Birthday!

July 30, 2008~My life as of now...

I am so incredibly happy! The only thing that could make it better is if Joey were not deployed. The kids are the light of my life. I have amazing friends. I have had some serious motivation to get back in shape. I want to go on a cruise, and Joey says I have to wear a two piece. So I have some work ahead of me so I will not make everyone else jump ship. Cameron is such a little man. He is a great mommy's helper, and so good for me. He teaches me something new everyday. Patience is a big one he has taught me. He is a mini Joey. I look at him and see his daddy in all he does and his actions. He is growing into such an amazing person, and I am happy to be a part of that.Emele is 3 as of 3 days ago. How fast they grow. She has shown me that it is all right to wear pink and be a girly girl. She has brought out the girly side of me. She is so beautiful in appearance as well as a person. She has the ability to make any one smile, and you can't help but feel her radiate.Joey, although he is on deployment, gives me so much support. He has made it possible for me to be a stay at home mommy, and get my degree. He loves me and makes sure that I am happy. He is my knight in shining armor. I could not ask for a better man on my team. GO team HALPHEN!!I just finished my AA in Accounting and will begin my BA on the 5th. I am finally achieving my education goals. I could not have done this with out all of the support from my family and friends.This move to Cali, was a huge adjustment for me. I had to leave Robin and Logan behind. I thought I was going to go crazy many times. I miss Oak Harbor friends, my own home, the beauty. But I have made the most amazing friends here. People who understand me and what I go through as a Navy wife every day. They are my rock, I will not name names, I would hate to forget anyone, but you all know who you are.Then there is Cali. I just spent the evening at the beach. We played in the surf, buried Cameron, watched the dolphins play in the sunset... It is just so beautiful here. If you made it through all that, thank you. I just had to get out there how wonderful life really is!

Moving blogs to here

I think I am going to move some of my Blogs from Myspace and such to here. I have moved one or 2 all ready...

My babies are in school

So, it is Friday, the end of their very first week in school. Day one went pretty well. Mom had a very hard time when they got on the bus. The steps were so big, poor Em could barely reach. Wait! lets start with before the bus. Both kids had decided it was a good idea to take an apple to the teacher. So, Sunday night we go to HEB and man handle every apple in the place looking for the perfect one. Both kids decided on a nice large red Delicious for their teachers. Then Monday morning we are putting our apples into the cute gift bags when Cam notices his has a huge bruise on it. Well it is 745 and a bruised apple just wont do. SO the tears start flowing and mommy has to come to the rescue. We load into the FJ for a quick trip (about 7 blocks) to the HEB. By the way, the bus is supposed to be here at 805. So, now we find the Fuji's and they are oh so shiny, with all the wax, and juicy looking so Cam wants a Fuji now. This makes Em have to change her apple as well. So we are in search of 2 beautiful unbruised Fuji apples. Finally, 2 beautiful apples later and a very fast 35 MPH we are headed home. First corner and Cam's apple flies off the back seat and all the way to the front floor board. Needless to say, it was a little bruised, so back 1 more time all teary eyed. Mom grabs whatever apple, no bruises, and we head back home, yet again! This time we make it bruise free, and if I had time I would have bubble wrapped that baby. But, not time, so we run to catch the bus. It is not 817, and the bus finally shows up at 838. And I was in such a hurry... Now, we have been fighting about school for a while, but that bus shows up and Cam all of a sudden is to big to kiss his mama. Yea, no cheek, no nothing. he runs to that bus, up those huge steps and away he goes. Em gives me a kiss, and then off she goes. Her poor legs are shorter than those big steps. Neither of them even bothered to look back, wave, no I love yous, nothing. The bus driver must have seen it in my eyes because she told me, "no water works until the door closes mom". So, as soon as that big yellow door came to a close, I lost it. I was waving and crying. then I turn to go home, and a man in his driveway asks if it is my first day of school... Well yes, yes it is, and I am not sure how I feel about it.

We mold our children

When our children are disrespectful, unappreciative, disruptive, mean.... Who is to take the blame? I have no one to blame but myself. I have made them the way they are, I have molded them. How do you change such a vicious cycle, that you have created? I feel like I have failed my children by giving in so much, spoiling, and not showing them that there is so much more to life than material things. I really need some guidance here. I can only pray that I can change my ways, lead by example, and shower them with love more than material things to express how much I love them. Is there an AA for this? I want my children to be happy, I want them to know how much they are loved, I need for them to know that I am here for them... And I am doing it all wrong! They expect everything. They cry and throw fits when they do not get what they want, they pout over not getting a toy every day. What have I done?!

Kids starting school

Yes! Both of them. Registration is tomorrow, and I can not believe they will both be in school this year. It is crazy to think that I have two kids in school. Cameron will be in Kindergarten, and Emele will be starting Pre-K. Although I am excited that this means mommy is going back to work, I am nervous as well. There is so much that comes with them starting school. I am worried about the stress that comes with being in school. Pressure from peers, the bad habbits learned, making friends, losing firends, learning... I want the best for them. I want to be able to protect them from the scary world, and I can not do that when they are at school. I can just pray that I have brought them up well enough to this point to make good decisions. Cameron has had some anxiety about starting school. He is worried that he will not be as smart as the other kids, and that he will not make friends like the ones he had in California. Tonight we had a long chat about how intelegent and likeable he is. I had him tell me what he liked about his friend sthat he left behind and why he thought they liked him. Then he realized there are a lot of things about him that would make others kids want to be friends with him. He aslo realized that he is smart. he can write his name, count, knows his alphabet, days of the week, and so much more. I hope that I gave him a little confidence. Em, she is totally on board just as long as she doesn't have to get any shots. LOL! So now, I need to get on board.

What a day at the ER

It started Friday morning with a trip to Kerville, for my nephews 8th Birthday. We had a wonderful time, very animated trip to Up-n-Jacks (that is a whole blog in it's self), some sister time watching Grease, cake, ice cream, singing, shopping, Cracker Barrel, then home on Saturday at 10 pm. the whole way home Emele continued her "attitude" that started after our trip to Up-n-Jacks. Crying and saying she had a headache. She felt warm, and seemed to be very uncomfortable. She cried the whole way home, we arrived around 2:30 am. This continued through the night with a fever of 101.3-101.7, her complaints of a headache, and her eyes seemed to be dilating. I was worried that she may have a concussion. By 2 pm Sunday we were still going on little to no sleep, she still had a fever, eyes dilated, was very dizzy, she would try to stand and would fall over, or have the appearance of sea legs. I had tried to break the fever with Tylenol, Motrin, and anything else that would give her any comfort at all. I took her to the ER. She was very unsteady, and still had a fever, it had dropped to 100.9, but she was just not her self. After falling in the waiting room after trying to stand they took us back. The doctor checked her over and decided that a cat scan may help. She ate a Popsicle, napped, and then they moved us. I was holding her as she was "knocked out". She was so out, that she peed while I was holding her and we were both soaked. Poor girl, poor tired mommy! Finally we took our pee soaked selves off to get the cat scan. She laid there motionless. She was so good, and brave while in that big room all by herself. I was very proud of her. In the end the doctor told me that there was nothing in the cat scan, "it looks all right". I wanted more. So he sent it off to a professional, who in turn said the scan was clear, no trauma, bleeding... I was relieved. They think she had a concussion, I am thinking now that this happened while playing at Up-n-Jacks. But she is well, and healthy. What more could I ask for besides a shower to get the pee smell off of me?

Love this Blog

So, is it proper to blog about a blog? Well, I love Jenny! I hope you all find a little time to check it out!

http://jennyspouse.blogspot.com/2008/12/jenny-comics-on-tv.html

If I die before I wake

So this will always be a work in progress, but it is really on my mind. I feel that I should have a say in my passing. I would like to know that my wishes are heard, and hopefully taken into consideration for my memorial and all that comes with death. So to my family, close friends, this is it! A work in progress, for what I hope to be a very long time!

~My first rule, yes rule! No fighting over anything that I leave behind, it is all just crap!!!
~I totally HATE all that sappy, sad, church music that is played at most memorials, and will not have it at mine, PLEASE! I will come up with a list that is acceptable however, and you will find it here at a later time.
~No roses! Joey knows what kind of flower I like, and if all he tells you is Happy ones, he is exactly right. Tons or Gerber daises, all colors! I love carnations and the smell of lilies is the best smell of any flower.
~I will not have my final remembrance in a church, or indoors for that matter, weather permitting!

THIS IS MY LETTER FOR MY MEMORIAL!!!
As I write this I am 25 years old, the date is September 22nd 2008. I am at that point in my life where death feels very real and close. Not as in I am knocking on Heavens door, but it is all around me, and I feel like it has followed me for far to long. I am tired of losing people that are close to me, yet I know that some day it will be me that you all are saying good bye to, and this is my story, my piece that I would like read at my memorial, from me to me!

First, if you are hearing this, I beat you! Yep, I got here first and I win! For my kids this will be the first time mommy has won since the day Cameron came into my life, followed by Emele. You two never let me win, so now it's my turn. Are you smiling? I hope so because I love your smiles. Joey, you all ready knew that I always won, thank you for that. On a little bit of a serious note, thank you for being here, sorry I couldn't make it, but I promise you I am having a better time then all of you are right now. You see I believe there is this place we all go, Heaven. And I am sure that it is a much happier day here right now then wherever you are listening to this. Maybe you don't believe, and that is all right. You see the Bible had this saying that really spoke to me, from dust you come and dust you will return. I was cremated right?! Well that was the Lord, our Lord who said that. All of you have heard of Heaven and Hell, I know you have. But you see it is really easy to go to Heaven, all you have to do is accept the Lord in your heart and ask for forgiveness. I am sure a lot of you are sitting out there wondering how I ever had time to do anything but ask for forgiveness, but I found time, believe me. So I ask you not to cry tears of sorrow, because I am the lucky one today. I promise all of you that I am smiling right now thinking about all of you.

I loved life. I was given so much. I will miss each and every one of you, but I will see you all later. There are no good byes in life, only, until we meet agains.

Songs that I love:
Tom Petty~ American Girl
Dixie Chick~God Speed~for Joey
Jamie O' Neal~I Love My Life
Garth Brooks~Friends In Low Places (Live Version)
Faith Hill~ There You'll Be
Queen~Who Wants to Live Forever
There is a little more to this than just a great song. I always told my Uncle Darrell I hated Queen, only to make him tell me just how great they are. So, here it is... I love this song!
Hot Chocolate~You Sexy Thing
Colin Raye~I Can Still Feel You

I was iniated into the State of Texas 7/29/09

Wow! Today was quite a day. I got up at 6 so I could get ready to go get my license, my kids decided today was the first day they wanted to sleep in. So by 8, I was dragging them out of bed as my MIL had called about 4 times. Then off to the mom in laws. Left the kids there while I went to get my Texas DL. So, the line is clear out the door, I am stuck by some woman on her cell going 1000 miles a minute in Spanish, obviously not in a good mood, then the man in front of me smells like he bathed in cheap cologne and BO. So, I just try to read my book, keep to myself, but all the southern hospitality is not going to allow this, not for a minute! About 40 minutes of small chat later, it is my turn. For them to tell me that I need Joey's registration because my name is on his truck (which by the way is in Cali). I am there with every piece of id they could possibly ask for, a years worth of insurance, and they want his registration?! OH NO! So, after 3 clerks hear me out, they say ok, you can get your license this time... Well thanks for that! LOL! So now to another line, but first I have to fill out all this crap about who I am. DO they not see this stack of identification? Now I am back in line, it is my turn and this woman tells me I need to go take the written test. Wait, my license is not suspended, expired, nothing, why do I have to take a test? Because the first 3 women put me in the system wrong, that is why! Do not piss off the lady who decides if you get your license! So, now some sweet talking, while everyone behind me keeps sighing VERY loudly. I get to go to yet another line! It was my lucky day. Then I get up there to take my picture, register to vote, pay, all that good stuff, and what I thought was a $15 charge is $24, so I am digging for pennies, good thing the kids had not ransacked my purse in awhile. But, I made it out alive, with some piece of paper that says I can drive, but has no picture on it, and they kept my WA license. So, I think I have officially been initiated into the state of Texas, I even had to raise my right hand, yea, to get a DL. LOL!

Have I mentioned how theraputic cleaning is for me?

So, I have came across o couple new cleaning supplies that I am in love with. the first my mom introduced me to. You know with two children there is always a stain that will just not come out, and it is not always on their clothes, often it is on mine. So, it is called Oxi Clean Max Force, blue bottle red spray gun, amazing. It has taken out grease stains that have been in a shirt for at least 4 washes. Love this, a little goes a long way! Now, I love the smell of bleach, to me it means clean. I go through Clorex Clean up in the big industrial jugs like it is life support. So I usually mop with clorex and a dot of Dawn Dish Soap. No need to sweep first, you can do it while you mop. Why waste your time? However, I recently found a coupon for Mr Clean Febreeze multi purpose cleaner, so I had to try it. My house not only smells clean, but fresh. I love it! I reccomend both of these products to all of you who love to clean, love the smell of clean, or like cleaning products like I do.

Life

So, here I am. I live in Texas now. Joey brought the kids and I down here the first of May. So here I am in a new place, no friends, I know no one but his family, and he is gone. Now what? I have to make this house a home, find a job, get the kids in school, keep my grades up in college, not go insane, and all this without him! I feel very alone! I am so scared to be getting out of the military, and I am in the middle of a deployment, and no one here knows how I feel. If I cry I am weak, if I scream I am crazy, if I smile I don't miss him enough, if I sleep to long I am depressed... Crazy how I have no idea exactly what I am feeling, all I know is I am lost! If it weren't for my sister 4 hours away I may go crazy! I have no one to talk to and I am so tired of crying, not sleeping, feeling so alone. But I am scared for the day he comes back "home". That means no more security... Then what? Where does that leave us? I need to get myself together. I need to find a job, I need to make sure my family pulls through this, I dont have tim to feel so weak. I AM NOT A WEAK PERSON! I will keep telling myself that! And here you will find my feelings, because I need to get it out somewhere!

Ok, so a little update. We are now living in Texas...